Well this blog has been rambling around in my head now for Months... and since I emailed Dr Bray on a regular basis while going through all this helped a ton, I figured I'd write a bit about it all on here also. It all went so fast, though as it was happening felt like forever. My Dad has been gone now for more than 7 months, and I feel like it was yesterday.
February 11, my Dad went in to the emergency room after his home nurse couldn't hear anything in one of his lungs, they admitted him thinking he had pneumonia. He also had blatter problems and hadn't slept for 2 days. Saturday was rough, he was in alot of pain and still couldn't sleep. They did a bunch of tests during the day Saturday. Sunday morning, My brother got called in to the hospital early because my Dad still hadn't slept, and was getting feisty with the nurses...he ripped out his Catheter, oxygen and IV. It took 5 nurses to calm him down, and the meds they gave him to relax and sleep didn't kick in yet. That is the day we found out he had lung cancer, and they told us we had 6 months at most with him. Monday he went down for more tests and we found out that it was basically all over his body, small cell, aggressive cancer...we have days maybe weeks, but not long. At this point my Dad didn't know any of this...he thought he was in for Pneumonia still. So Tuesday...When we were all there with him, a lady from hospice came in a told him he had cancer, it was bad, and nothing could be done. it was the worst day of my life...seeing my Dad cry, and everyone being so devastated, and there was nothing anyone could do. The look on his face was heartbreaking, all of us kids, and Justin and Kim were around his bed just crying, it was so rough. He was so mad, and just so sad.
The next couple days we got all the Grand kids up to see him, he was moved to a bigger room in the oncology ward, and we all spent as much time as we could with him. He was happy he could eat anything he wanted, so we kept him a nice supply of his favorite candy's chocolates, and snacks. My Aunt Marj brought him some ice cream, and the nurses made him chocolate Milk shakes every day. He had rough days and good days...and then came the time to move him...it was very rough leading up to his move, My Dads regular Doctor told my Mom not to put him in the VA hospital and since we couldn't afford anything else she had it in her head to take him home. He had taken care of her for the 10 years and she just wasn't able to take him home. It took alot of convincing after that but he was moved to the VA hospital in Detroit on Friday February 25.
I didn't know it then but that morning I stopped in at Beaumont with the girls was their last visit with him. I had wanted to yell at the Doctor for getting my Mom all upset, and he never showed. But instead both the girls got to visit with my Dad, and he had a great morning. He was up and happy, and knew who they were and my last image of him with my daughters was of Erica holding Emma over his bed to give him a kiss goodbye, and we were all laughing and he really got a kick out of it. That day he moved to VA, and by Sunday he was having a rough time. He fell out of bed on Monday trying to go to the bathroom. Tuesday he ate dinner and then fell asleep, and never woke up. The weekend was very rough, his breathing changed Friday night, and we were all up there most of the next 36 hours, and the four of us kids and Mom all spent the night Saturday night. He hung on until that Sunday afternoon, when we were all there and he took his last breathe. My Mom never left his side at the VA, she spent the 9 days and nights in his room. He died March 6, exactly 3 weeks after we found out he had cancer.
That next week was a blur, with the funeral and stuff...one of my cousins is part of an Honor guard in Livonia and they did that ceremony Wednesday night, it was so amazing, I am bummed Erica missed it, though she did get a casing from the 21 gun salute, thanks to her cousin Dylan. My Brother got up at the funeral and did such a fantastic job speaking, I could never do something like that. He was just great. My favorite part of his speech was when he said my Dad will live on through his Grand children, and named characteristics each of them shared with my Dad. it is something I will never forget.
I have compared this to becoming a parent...we knew he was going to pass away...and we try to prepare ourselves for it, but there is just no way to understand it until you go through it yourself. Losing my Dad has been really hard, a part of me is gone, I won't be able to talk Tiger Baseball and Hockey with him anymore, or brag about my girls, have him over for dinner, take him to my softball games...or just give him a hug, and just tell him I love him again. Ugggghhhh its been really hard, and I miss him so much.
February 11, my Dad went in to the emergency room after his home nurse couldn't hear anything in one of his lungs, they admitted him thinking he had pneumonia. He also had blatter problems and hadn't slept for 2 days. Saturday was rough, he was in alot of pain and still couldn't sleep. They did a bunch of tests during the day Saturday. Sunday morning, My brother got called in to the hospital early because my Dad still hadn't slept, and was getting feisty with the nurses...he ripped out his Catheter, oxygen and IV. It took 5 nurses to calm him down, and the meds they gave him to relax and sleep didn't kick in yet. That is the day we found out he had lung cancer, and they told us we had 6 months at most with him. Monday he went down for more tests and we found out that it was basically all over his body, small cell, aggressive cancer...we have days maybe weeks, but not long. At this point my Dad didn't know any of this...he thought he was in for Pneumonia still. So Tuesday...When we were all there with him, a lady from hospice came in a told him he had cancer, it was bad, and nothing could be done. it was the worst day of my life...seeing my Dad cry, and everyone being so devastated, and there was nothing anyone could do. The look on his face was heartbreaking, all of us kids, and Justin and Kim were around his bed just crying, it was so rough. He was so mad, and just so sad.
The next couple days we got all the Grand kids up to see him, he was moved to a bigger room in the oncology ward, and we all spent as much time as we could with him. He was happy he could eat anything he wanted, so we kept him a nice supply of his favorite candy's chocolates, and snacks. My Aunt Marj brought him some ice cream, and the nurses made him chocolate Milk shakes every day. He had rough days and good days...and then came the time to move him...it was very rough leading up to his move, My Dads regular Doctor told my Mom not to put him in the VA hospital and since we couldn't afford anything else she had it in her head to take him home. He had taken care of her for the 10 years and she just wasn't able to take him home. It took alot of convincing after that but he was moved to the VA hospital in Detroit on Friday February 25.
I didn't know it then but that morning I stopped in at Beaumont with the girls was their last visit with him. I had wanted to yell at the Doctor for getting my Mom all upset, and he never showed. But instead both the girls got to visit with my Dad, and he had a great morning. He was up and happy, and knew who they were and my last image of him with my daughters was of Erica holding Emma over his bed to give him a kiss goodbye, and we were all laughing and he really got a kick out of it. That day he moved to VA, and by Sunday he was having a rough time. He fell out of bed on Monday trying to go to the bathroom. Tuesday he ate dinner and then fell asleep, and never woke up. The weekend was very rough, his breathing changed Friday night, and we were all up there most of the next 36 hours, and the four of us kids and Mom all spent the night Saturday night. He hung on until that Sunday afternoon, when we were all there and he took his last breathe. My Mom never left his side at the VA, she spent the 9 days and nights in his room. He died March 6, exactly 3 weeks after we found out he had cancer.
That next week was a blur, with the funeral and stuff...one of my cousins is part of an Honor guard in Livonia and they did that ceremony Wednesday night, it was so amazing, I am bummed Erica missed it, though she did get a casing from the 21 gun salute, thanks to her cousin Dylan. My Brother got up at the funeral and did such a fantastic job speaking, I could never do something like that. He was just great. My favorite part of his speech was when he said my Dad will live on through his Grand children, and named characteristics each of them shared with my Dad. it is something I will never forget.
I have compared this to becoming a parent...we knew he was going to pass away...and we try to prepare ourselves for it, but there is just no way to understand it until you go through it yourself. Losing my Dad has been really hard, a part of me is gone, I won't be able to talk Tiger Baseball and Hockey with him anymore, or brag about my girls, have him over for dinner, take him to my softball games...or just give him a hug, and just tell him I love him again. Ugggghhhh its been really hard, and I miss him so much.
I can only imagine what my Mom is going through, she married my Dad when she was 20, lived with her parents until that point, and they would have been married 48 years in October. I think My Mom is doing good, she has surprised us all I think. She is tougher than I ever thought that is for sure. She has spent some time up with my Aunt Alma in Mackinac, goes with my to work here and there, and has been driving again. I am very grateful to have her getting stronger each day and able to be in dependant and doing things on her own. I try to keep her busy, and I know I think of my Dad on a daily basis, and can only imagine how much she does also.
For me...its a song, a ball game, or just something cool my girls do...that's all it takes for me miss him...and wish he was still here to share it with us.
Rest in peace Dad. I love you
